I’m reproducing a contribution to a blog that I put on to a forum in a national newspaper today. This is a subject I feel quite strongly about, partly because it should be of concern to anyone with kids, and partly because it’s the genesis of a writing project that I am working on at the moment. The blog theme was the fact that some parents leave their kids at school as a kind of surrogate baby sitting service. There was some discussion about the difficulties parents have when the economic climate is hard. Here’s my view:
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It’s time we faced some truths about this issue.
First, we need to accept that it really is a good idea for parents to spend time with their kids, and that means engaging with them. There’s nothing wrong with putting the little ones in front of Pingu or Disney from time to time, but don’t confuse it with real engagement with them. It’s that real engagement, the creation of relationship with your child, that is the precious thing.
Second, it’s really really, really hard work sometimes to engage with the kids. It can be boring, it can be tedious…but if you accept my first point, you have to accept that it’s hard work to engage sometimes with them, but do it anyway. I think dad’s really need to hear this one. You don’t have to pretend that ever moment with them is a delight, but you do have to engage. And yes, work is actually an easier option that being with your kids, but don;t take the easy way out. Get home and engage with them.
On this subject, let’s dispense with this idea that every interaction we have within our family is some kind of nirvana - it’s only like that in the adverts. And I am not even talking about the problems of arguments in the family, I am talking about the day to day business of engaging with each other.
In my experience there’s a particular example of this that needs to be dealt with. I can only speak as a dad, so I do so here; you are a dad, you come home from work, you are tired. You have a small child, or children. THe truth is, it’s going to be hard work a lot of the time to summon up the energy to deal with them. Never mind, get a drink, get changed, and get in there. Ten minutes with them, fifteen minutes with them, every night. Go and engage with your kids. Yes it’s tiring - do it anyway.
Now there’s a third issue which is around the fact that families are busy and often, if there are two parents, both work. My wife and I have both had work for periods of time so I speak from experience. It is a tough act to deal with, I know, but don’t turn it in to an excuse. If you both want to or have to work that’s fine, but make sure you still have time with the kids. Anyone can do that; there’s no why you can’t, just choose to do it. Don’t stay late at work, you rarely need to; come home and get with the kids. If the cost of living is rising, cut back on something else.
So, let’s admit that for our ‘me’ focused, ambitious generation, spending time with the kids might not come easy and it’s hard work, but especially for dads the message is this - do the hard work, engage with the kids - regularly, and put effort in to it. It’s the best investment you will make in life.
Tags: Uncategorized by andrew chamberlain
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